Shadowgirls

I know! I'll create a forum topic for people to tell me all their crazy plans for destroying or taking over the world and then I'll use every one of them to do just that, in the hope of getting lucky.

MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

I'll invent the reality bending machine and pull out every villain imaginable from comic books, to novels to video games and have them rule, destroy, or corrupt the world. All that in the safety of a parallel dimension I've made before getting all the villains out.

Or better yet, I'll use the reality bending machine to get the infinity gauntlets and use it to rule the cosmos.

Breed Horses.

Start a "Going Green" movement and brainwash masses under the pretext of "Saving Mother Earth."

Build cars that suck and no one wants to buy, put all other auto companies out of business through purchasing, and then claim you're "too big to fail" and sap the treasury.

I think Charles may be the only one who understands my previous idea . . .

@JACOBUS: BREED HORSES




Ladies and Gentlemen... Horse the cat... Death on paws.

I've got it!

I'll sponsor the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

MWAAAHAHAHAHHAAAAA

P.S. Asside, Holy @#%^ its a mad world with clubs like this *lol*

"Crowded conditions and resource shortages will improve as we become less dense."

I'd agree, but I think my use of "dense" differs from theirs.

Pick up the book "Other Worlds,Other Seas" & read "Island of the Crabs". I'd create devilish little robots like them that reproduce quickly & are subject to natural selection & use them to deplete the world's metal supply. Then,because I had linked them to my mind telepathically,I'd rule the world with the endless army of machines.

Hmm, hire the Backstreet Boys to put on a concert at the same time as Metallica in the same venue and watch as the fans go nuts and riot. Rinse, wash, repeat in other cities. (not too creative, but I havent had any caffeine for two days now. brain doesn't want to work to hard...)

I always considered this, and it indeed took a lot of thought to try and iron out all the loopholes that those pesky heroes always find and exploit to ruin all those years of planning, but I came up with a few ground rules:

1) Have a Significant Other who is as evil, manipulative, power-hungry, etc. as yourself, and who does not act in concert with you, but as a rival - if anyone's going to betray you, it'll be them (so you know who to watch), and if the hero does manage to do you in, chances are they'll remember they love you and come to your rescue/extract terrible retribution. They'll be the best right-hand you'll ever have, they'll keep you on your toes, and the sex will be dynamite.

2) Have children - three is a really good number. One will always rebel against you/fall in love with the hero (see rule above), but you'll be prepared and chances are they'll be obvious as the weak link. The other two should be made to be anything but weak (and face it, you're evil, so this shouldn't matter); brought up to become unassailable monsters. Personally I favor (since most superhero-types are male) making one grow up to be a heartless corporate bitch who loves money and power more than any good-looking cape with a huge wing-wang, and the other a sadistic, psychotic, cannibal sexfiend (so if a hero does try to romance their way in, they end up leaving in the garbage). Have them trained to fight as hard, dirty and peerlessly as Batman. Make sure they can kill with a toothpick, a paperclip, or a look. Your kids will look after you no matter what, or stab you in the back, but at least you can keep an eye on them. Watch your food, too.

3) Non-human Henchmen - Robot spiders, mutants, winged monkeys, whatever. Just make sure it's nothing a hero can disguise themselves as without shapechanging powers (because shapechanging is employed by the worst kinds of cheats... go with artificial life of some kind, something you can identify as your own brand of eeeevil). Make sure you don't have any short stormtroopers in your fortress of utter evil.

4) Never keep a hero prisoner - just kill the sonofabitch. BLAM. Let the third daughter eat/whatever what's left. Film it. Send it to the rest of the ex-hero's superteam. They'll never dare come after you again. Show 'em you're a man of your word.

5) Be merciful - don't wade into the city with killer robots that vaporize kindergardens. Be surgical. Never hurt the little guy on the street; it show's you're a professional, and if you build a few hospitals, sponsor the opera channel, go on a few talkshows and cure a few kids with incurable illnesses 'out of the goodness of your heart' the public will love you. Heroes have issues with cutting their way through willing, innocent human shields to get at you... heh heh heh. Not even the Frank Castle's of the world will do that, and if they do, make sure it's all on tape and sent to CNN.

6) Deal with the competition - so there are some other villain-types out there blasting their way into Fort Knox and stealing nuclear missiles. Refer to Step 4: take them out. Craft an image as more of a gritty antihero type, while in actuality all you're doing is clearing the playing field. Try not to employ 'worthy' rivals, as no-one save your demented family is worthy. Shake their hand, steal their tractor beam plans, send them on a dinner date with the mad daughter with the sharp teeth and the bloodstained babydoll dress.

7) Clone yourself. It's the only way to be sure when the whole thing goes belly-up, you can come back and pick up where you left off. Better still, clone yourself and let your clone do all the villainy, skim 2% of their takings and spend the rest of your days on a beach in Fiji drinking cocktails and being fanned by island girls in grass skirts. Go fishing. Have the wife and kids cloned and they can live with you too. Rule your own little world in conttentment and happiness. You've earned it. Just keep that death ray under your pillow. In case...